Quick Review: Baby Mama

Kite the Hero can’t be accused of snobbery when it comes to movie selection. Just finished watching Baby Mama which sadly lived up to my low expectations. If I was looking for laughs I should have watched episodes of 30 Rock instead. At least most episodes it surprises me and makes me laugh out loud.

Quick Review: I’ve Loved You So Long

Good movie, very nice performance by Kristin Scott Thomas, but think the ending was a cop out in order to make the main character more sympathetic. Definitely worth viewing.

Quick Review: Rachel Getting Married

My overall impression, wow, this is a long movie. Hard to believe 113 minutes can in fact seem so very, very long. And I’ll admit I even cheated and watched the last part of this movie in fast forward (I don’t think I missed much).

So if you’re looking to make time stand still, by all means watch Rachel Getting Married, it’ll make you’re day seem so long. Wonder what it is about watching unpleasant people that does that?

Review: The Transporter or Everything I Needed to Know About Making an Action Movie I Learned by Watching Raiders of the Lost Ark

The Transporter, 2002

Okay first I’ll admit I’ve actually seen this movie before, but since I said I would watch anything you asked me to watch I watched it again. In summary I stand by my Netflix 2 star rating (I think I’ll need to come up with an original Kite the Hero rating system).

So on the postive side this is a very watchable (though completely unsubstantial) movie, and Jason Statham does have a certain stone-faced onscreen charisma. Let’s face it, this is a good, bad movie, the kind it’s easy to get sucked into when you’re flipping the TV channels and then a hour and a half has past and you’re not sure where the time went.

However all that being said, why is it this movie seems so familiar? Possibly because many of the action sequences have been done before. So if you want to watch a fight with a big bald white guy or a truck chase, please just watch Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Other action movie cliches to be found in The Transporter:

• Any character that lives by a set of rules will break said rules
• When it appears the group of bad guys are being beaten badly, weapons will be conveniently found on hand. (Hey look everyone, there are metal pipes that were conveniently left here.)
• Escalation in weapon size. Never start with a rocket launcher if you can first start with high-powered rifles. It would be anti-climatic to just blow up the house and wouldn’t allow the hero to escape.
• Bad guys who have you encircled will always attack you one at a time. (Isn’t that a relief.)
• Cars that the bad guys drive will explode dramatically when hit by another car. (Must be all that dynamite bad guys carry around in the trunk.)
• Heroic characters have thought through every contingency. (Isn’t it a coincidence that I not only have scuba gear down here for an underwater escape, but I have two sets which is very thoughtful for someone who lives alone.)
• It takes about 10 seconds to suffocate someone. (Definitely the way to go if you need to kill someone, it’s so quick, easy and, for the squeamish, bloodless.)
• Bonus tidbit: Everyone in France has a Madeline pan in their kitchen, because after a hard day of saving the world who doesn’t want a Madeline.

So what should Kite the Hero watch next?

Two movies you should read

While Kite the Hero patiently awaits the arrival of The Transporter DVD, here are a couple of movies I have recently seen and recommend (yes, Kite the Hero actually liked them).

Tell No One
It’s French, it’s Hitchcockian, it’s a really good thriller. Kite the Hero appreciates a movie that can keep me guesssing and assumes I’m smart enough to figure out most of the details without using the script to tell me exactly what is going on. Okay so I didn’t buy all the coincidental plotting, but still in comparison to most dreck, this is one to see. (A side note to Hollywood, please give us a few movies that we can’t guess every plot detail just by watching the trailer.)

Let the Right One In
Yay for Swedish vampires (or vampire…eh, this movie has about 1 1/2 vampires). What’s not to like, a very blond boy who is bullied at school, mysterious neighbors that cover their windows, a less than competent serial killer, a man with a lot of cats all wrapped up in a package of Swedish doom and gloom. Good times people, good times.

And the first movie selection is…

The Transporter

Thanks to Purple Dragon for providing a title. Readers feel free to use the comment section to make other suggestions or take the poll on the right to help me select a more recently released DVD.

And stay tuned for what will, I predict, be a riveting review of The Transporter (I understand Jason Statham is pocket-sized).

And now for something, sort of different

It turns out Phil Moose is not the most reliable blogger, sure he thinks he has all sorts of ideas to blog about, but he ends up just hanging out in my apartment doing nothing (okay, so I can relate). In an effort to add some focus to this blog I’m throwing out a new idea. Since one of Kite the Hero’s favorite things is watching movies why not let blog readers determine what movies I should watch. Though I have seen a lot of movies, that’s 2900+ movies rated on Netflix, there are certain gaps. Additionally, I do intend to write a review of each movie suggested and watched here on this very blog. I would imagine the majority of those reviews will be negative, my average review on Netflix was like 2.1 or something.

So readers, what do I watch? I want the good, the bad and the weird. I only ask that the movies be available via Netflix with preference given to movies also available via Netflix Instant Viewing.

Under New Management

Since Kite the Hero has  into such a blogging slacker, which, frankly speaking is probably a thing considering the inanity of most of her posts, I, Phil Moose, will be taking over primary blogging duties. So you can expect to see some welcome changes in the future, but please be patient, as an ungulate I tend to be a very slow typist.

Meanwhile, if you still want to follow Kite the Hero you can find her on Twitter (ID kitethehero, of course).

Sweet!

With the stock market the way it currently is it’s looking like Kite the Hero’s investment in electronics was a good idea. Particularly her investment in that Roku Netflix Instant Viewing Box. Netflix has just entered an agreement with Starz which has suddenly increased the availablity of newer movies. Yay, Kite the Hero now sees no reason to ever leave home again…oh except for that thing called work.

Kite the Hero’s Theory About Children

Having recently spent some time in a home with a child under the age of 2 (Hi Sophie!), Kite the Hero has developed a new theory about children. The more a person in disinterested in children the more children like said person. Well anyway we will continue to test this theory in the months to come, fortunately there’s a new test subject, henceforth referred to as Qbert, that should be here in few months.